


It's never ok

by BJWinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anger, Bullying, Cyber Bullying, Depression, F/M, Friendship, Heroes, Second Chances, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 04:37:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12763317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BJWinchester/pseuds/BJWinchester
Summary: You had always had a problem with bullies, even as a kid. You thought that things would be different since your famedom, and you have a new love Your King of Hell.  Everything was going good. But then they found you, the same awful people who tormented you, some people never change, and some people just can't take it.





	It's never ok

**Author's Note:**

> Possible Triggers, but lots of love at the end.

You woke, showered and got ready for work the same way you always did everyday. You had been a big part of the Show Supernatural since season 4 and you couldn't feel more blessed. Add to the fact that around season 6 you found yourself madly in love with Supernaturals King of Hell Crowley. Mark was amazing, and it was his text that made you smile today just like every morning. 

"Hey darling, missed you." Mark said

"Missed you too." you replied. 

"You have a great day at work today." he told you

"Sure rub it in that you have the week off."

"LOL Actually, I was thinking about coming in and having lunch with my amazing girlfriend." 

"I'd love that."

"Oh, well I guess you could come too, I don't think she'd mind." 

"Ha Ha very funny." 

"I love you babe." 

"Love you too. See you soon." 

You sipped your coffee unable to wipe the smile off your face, you decided to skim face book and see what was going on. You soon realized that was a big mistake. 

"I can't believe they hired you. If they only knew the truth." some one had written under your status. You glanced at the name, Maxine Schaffer. Who in the hell was that? 

"What truth?" Troy amble asked<

"I went to school with y/n, She only slept with every guy on our football team, and Basket ball team" Maxine said Your head started to spin. 

"You're kidding!" Kari Smith replied Maxine? No that can't be. You had gone to highschool with a Maxine only her name wasn't Schaffer then it was Parks.. Maxine hated you had somehow gotten it into her head that you slept with her boyfriend, truth is you hadn't, he tried but you turned him down flat. Not that he would admit it to any one. The rumors got so bad that by the end of your JR year Her and her so called friends had said you were sleeping with everyone, even the faculty. 

"No, she's a real skank... Aren't you y/n? LMAO Dumber then a brick too. Course she passed every class I wonder how that happened" Maxine wrote. 

"You think she slept with the producers to get on the show?" Kari asked

"Wouldn't doubt it, def her MO" Maxine said

"I remember now... She looks different." Tammy Wynet said. 

"Yeah she looks worse if you can imagine, Probably got some kind of botched up plastic surgery that's how dumb she is." Maxine replied

"wow harsh much?" Try Amble asked

"Truth hurts. She was a real bitch at school too, snob with a capital S." Maxine said

" I hear she's dating one of the actors, Mark Sheppard." Sydney Pail added

"He better get himself tested for every STD out there." Maxine said. Quickly you deleted the post and blocked as many people as you could. But it was to late, the words were already in your head and God only knew how many people had seen it. You tried to shake it off as you snatched your keys and headed out the door. You drove to work in a mechanical sort of way and before you knew it you were pulling into your parking spot on set. Tears were starting to fall faster as the words replayed over and over again. You slipped on your sunglasses even though the sun was just begining to make an apperance and kept your head down as you hurried toward your trailer. 

"Hey y/n" Jensen said as you hurried past. 

"Hey." you murmured. You could feel him watching you but didn't even bother to stop. Once inside you shut the door and splashed cold water on your face. Your eyes were red and you looked like crap. There was a knock on the door and you jumped a bit. 

"Y/n?" A male voice said

"Yeah." you replied Kyle you PA looked at you strangely. 

"You ok?" he asked. 

"I'm fine, allergies." you tell him.. That was always your go to when anyone pretended to care, "I'm good, it's just my allergies acting up." 

"Well um, they want to do a run through on lines." he said 

"Ah yeah, sure." you say stepping out quickly and slipping your glasses back on. 

"So Julie really liked the gift you suggested." he tells you as the two of you head toward set.

"I'm glad, I thought she would." you said pleasantly plastering on a fake smile. 

"Yeah, I owe you one, I can't believe I forgot our anniversary." he said

"Ahh don't worry it happens to everyone. I'm glad I could help." you tell him.

You step on set and Jared looks up at you smiling. 

"Morning." he tells you

"If you say so." you reply trying to sound as if you are kidding around. 

"Coffee?" someone asks You turn and take a cup

"God yes! Thanks." you say pleasantly. 

"Rough night?" Jared asks. 

"Rough morning." you say. 

"So guys, let's do a quick run through K?" Richard asked coming up to the two of you. 

"If you insist." you tease. You slip off the glasses.

"You ok?" Richard asked when he saw your red eyes. 

"Yeah, allergies. I took something, should be gone by time we roll." you say. 

"Alright then, let's do this." he says. 

An 30 min later you were done, but you still felt like there was a knot in the pit of your stomach. You hurried to get out of there before anyone could stop you. As you did your phone chirp indicating you had a FB Message. You knew you should ignore it but for what ever reason you couldn't. 

"What the hell bitch, You think Blocking people is going to stop someone from finding out the truth?" it read. Your heart missed a beat. Trever Schaffer the name above the words said. 

"Do I know you?" you asked

"Yeah, me and everyone else." it read back. Suddenly it dawned on you that this must be Maxine under someone elses account. 

"Just leave me alone!" 

"Why? Afraid your lover boy's gonna find out the truth? Once a skank always a skank right?" 

"Go to hell." 

"You go to hell bitch. Who'd you sleep with to get that damn job anyway? Everyone knows that's the only way your no good talent could get any thing." 

"Maxine, I know this is you. Can't you just let it drop, that was all so long ago." 

"Heard you left school that year to have an abortion. Was it Tommy's? You killed his kid didn't you ho?" 

"No that's not what happened, and you know it." 

"Don't lie. you killed that kid when you should have offed yourself. Murderer." 

"I didn't" 

"Liar. Why don't you just do yourself and everyone else a real favor and kill yourself now. Fucking cunt. Mark's to good for you, you know that. Shit everyone's to good for your stupid ass. no one wants you on the damn show anyway." You looked up and found yourself standing in front of the trailer. You walked in as a panic attack started to take place inside you. 

"Jared and Jensen probably throw up every time they see you. Bet it's hell for them working with you. I swear that kissing scene you had with Misha, looked like he wanted to swallow bleach." You Threw the phone. It crashed against the wall and the battery popped out. You locked the door and fell to the floor crying. 

Richard. 

"You seen y/n?" I asked Your PA

"Not since the run through." he said. 

"She's late, should have been in wardrobe already, but no ones seen her." I explain.

"I'll check her trailer." Kyle told him 

"Hey she seem ok to you?" I asked 

"Yeah I think so, said she was having some kind of allergy attack, but basically yeah." Keyl said. 

"Well. If you find her tell her we're ready." I say 

"Will do." Kyle replied taking off toward her trailer. 

You sat on the floor sobbing, when you heard a knock on the door you froze and held your breath. 

"Y/N? You in there? There ready for you on set." Kyles voice called out. You made sure not to move a muscle, as the door handle wiggled. You thanked yourself for remembering to lock it. 

"Y/n?" he called out again. You waited a few minutes till you were sure he was gone. Then you reached up and pulled a knife from the drower

 

Kyle hurried back to the set. Richard, Jensen and Jared all looked up at him as if expecting them to say you were on your way. 

"I can't find her any where." he said. 

"What?" Richard asked. Misha stepped up to the small group.

"Hey you seen y/n?" Jensen asked him

"No. Haven't seen her all day." He says 

"Well where in the hell did she go?" Richard growled annoyed. 

"We have to just be playing hit and miss." Jared said. 

"I'll Call wardrobe again." Kyle said as he dialed. 

You sat on the floor starring at the knife. 

"They're gonna find out everything, and then it will be over. Your Job, Mark... Even if it is all lies they won't want that kind of crap hanging around, it wont be good for the show." you tell yourself. 

"I'll lose everything, I won't be able to live it down. Mark... I'm so sorry." The thought of his name made you realize that you couldn't leave him with out saying goodbye. You crawled to your phone, afraid that someone would see you through the window if you stood. Your hands shook as you replaced the battery. You played with the knife as you waited for the phone to turn on. 

"Mark.. I'm so sorry. I can't do this anymore. I tried to forget my past but it just comes back...I Love you so much, please forgive me, please tell the others I'm sorry to. Jensen and Jared. Thank them for being such good friends. And Misha... For all the times they made me laugh. Tell Eric and Bob I'm sorry for leaving things like this. Maybe they can find someone to replace me, It shouldn't be that hard. I tried honey, honest I did. But They're right you deserve better. All of you. I really have tried to forget about it all. I tried but I should have done this so long ago. I hate everything about me, I don't know how I ever got lucky enough to call you mine. I am so sorry please don't hate me. Tell them not to hate me, please. I love you Mark.. I love you more then you will ever know. I just can't do this anymore." You hit send and let your head fall back for a moment. 

Jensen's phone rang. 

"Hey Mark." he said

"What in the hell is going on?!" Mark yelled. 

"Calm down what are you talking about?" Jensen asked Jared looked at him with wondering eyes, Mark was yelling so loud everyone could hear him.

"Don't tell me to Calm down! Where's y/n?" he snapped. 

"We have no idea actually. We've been looking for her." Jensen said as panic rose inside him. 

"I Just got a fucking message from her......." Mark reread it to him and Jensen's eyes widened. "I've been calling her but she won't fucking pick up!" 

"We'll find her Mark, her car is here, she has to be here some where." He said taking of at a full run toward your trailer, Jared, Richard, Misha and Kyle all on his tail. 

"I'm heading there now. Call me when you find her!" Mark demanded. 

"What's going on?" Jared asked

"He got a message from her, We have to find her. Now." Jensen said. They stopped at her door and Jensen cursed when he realized it was locked. 

"Y?N! OPEN UP!" Jared yelled banging on the door. 

You could hear them yelling and panic hit you. If they came in now there would be no way you could go through with it. You pressed the blade against your skin and winced at the touch of the cold metal. 

They were banging on your door now, as if their life depended on it. Jensen kicked at the flimsy handle and suddenly it busted open. He darted in and instantly felt sick at the sight of blood running down your left arm. You looked at him with sad (y/ec) eyes 

"It's better this way." you said. 

"Oh my God!" He said falling at your side. He pulled off his shirt and did his best to wrap it around your wrist. 

"Call 911!" Jared screamed. Kyle was immediatley on the phone. 

'God Y/n..." Misha said as he and Jared knelt beside you. 

"It's ok, it's better this way. Tell Mark I'm sorry." you said crying. 

"Shit!" Jensen said. 

"Is it bad?" Richard asked. 

"Bad enough." Jared said his eyes misting up. 

"I don't know, Just one wrist I think." Kyle was saying. you tried to stand, you weren't sure why just that you hated them fussing over you, like you mattered. 

"Don't move." Misha said. 

"Where in the fuck is that ambulance?!" Jensen yelled. 

"They're coming." Kyle called back. You looked up into the worried eyes of your friends. 

"Tell Mark I love him." you say in a raspy voice. 

"You're gonna tell him yourself, you hear me?" Richard said. You slowly started to shut your eyes. 

"No, No y/n don't go to sleep, stay with us!" Jared begged. 

"I'm sorry." you say just a few moments before darkness overcame you. 

Mark

I saw the ambulance as I pulled up. My heart almost jumped out of my chest. 

"God No!" I said as I sprang from my car and ran toward the paramedics pushing a gurney. 

"Y/N!" I yelled. 

"Sir you need to move." The man said pushing me aside. 

"Is she ok?" I asked scared. 

"Mark, she's alive. We got there just in time." Jensen said. I looked at him he was bare chested and holding his blood stained shirt. 

"Oh my God! What happened?" I barked

"She had a knife. She cut herself just before we were able to break into her trailer." He told me. There was sadness in his eyes. I looked at the group of people standing around, many crying, and all looking in complete shock. 

"Why?" I asked. I looked at each of my friends but they shook their heads, they had no idea. 

"They're taking her to Mercy Hospital." Eric said coming up to us. 

"Ok." I said. But I couldn't make my feet move. 

"We'll go with you." Jared said his eyes were soaked with tears. I gave a small nod as We watched the ambulance rush off. 

You woke feeling as if you were hit by a truck. There was a soft beeping and whispering. 

"Y/n?" You opened your eyes to find Mark, Jensen, and Jared all standing around your bed. For a moment you were confused and then it all came back to you. You felt so sad. So tired. So ashamed. 

"I'm sorry." you said. 

"No, I'm sorry." Mark said. 

"You didn't do anything," you say

"We found your phone. I swear to God y/n If I ever see that bitch, I'll...." he stopped not wanting to finish his sentence. 

"It's ok." you say

"No it's not, things like that are never ok." Jared said 

"I didn't do those things she said." you told Mark. He shook his head. 

"I know, but even if you had, it still wouldn't have been ok for her to talk to you that way." he said. 

"You come to us next time, promise?" Jensen said. 

"I promise." you say. 

"I bet I lost my job huh?" You say softly. 

"Are you kidding, like we could ever replace you as ( your character)." A voice said from the door way. you all glanced to see Eric and Bob both standing there with small smiles. 

"Thank you all." you say. 

"Hey, It was Jensen here who saved your life." Jared says. 

"Really? Thanks." you say. 

"No thanks necessary, just don't do it again." He said. He lifted your good hand and kissed the back of it. A tear began to fall. 

"We'll leave you two alone." Jared said kissing your forehead. 

"I love you so much... I don't know what i would have done if I had lost you." Mark said tearing up. 

"I'm sorry." You say again

"Stop saying that... I just want you to know that I need you so damn much. When I saw them putting you in the ambulance. Goe y/n my world crashed. I was thinking, I mean if you wouldn't mind, maybe you could move in with me." he said. 

"What?" you ask surprised. 

"Well If you want. That Way I will always know you're safe." he says. You smile as more tears fall. 

"What did I do to deserve you?"

"A lot. But it's me who should be asking that question." he said as he bent down and gently pressed his lips to yours, letting you know that some people do care, and some people really do want you around.


End file.
